Mother’s Day /thoughts;

How I loathe it. Why? Well it’s sort of complicated. I’d love to spill all the beans but because of certain situations and people I can’t do so until I move. Anyways. It’s not rocket science to figure out who abused me on and off for 20 years…..

Everywhere I go this week. “Don’t forget about mom she’s the best!” “Get something for mother’s day!” Makes me want to vomit and curl up. It paralyzes me with FEAR.

Oh you thought you would forget that thing she did to you? Ha. Nope. Here it is. In vividly graphic smelly detail. #cptsd

Co workers talking about what they think their kids will make them. I want to tell them to shut up.

I want to cry. I want to die. I want to not exist. I leave my body. I am not myself.

I am her? Am I her?

No. At least not for long…

I want to give up control and do what I have done since I was 2.

I want to run back to the abuse.

I want to lay down and give up.

But I did that for 20 years.

I have to suck it up. I must be strong.

I was a very depressed kid. I can’t go there mentally anymore. As much as I try not to. I’ve come too far to give in and give up on myself.

What if I give in?

What if I don’t?

I get it.

Some people have terrible dad’s and good mothers. I had the exact opposite. And hearing my father and sister utter the word mother sort of breaks me down mentally. How can you call her that?

If I could just show you every touch, smell , memory and feeling. How I’d think you would break and crumble…..

If I showed you do you think you would feel differently or the same?

That’s a scary thought.

Maybe you are more like her then I thought.

What I would give to have someone who loved me for me as a kid. Not someone who saw me as an object of everything she hated. Hatred. That’s all it was. Deep Hatred. Anger.

The memories still knock the wind out of me some days. I can’t breathe.

I’m choking.

But I go on.

Because life isn’t easy.

But I know one day maybe with God’s plans and Eric I can live an easier life then I live now…..

You are brave. Don’t let anyone put out your fire.

Even yourself

Writing this helps. So if you made it this far….? Thanks.

Maybe when I close my eyes tonight it won’t hurt so much.



(I’m alright btw just letting you know what goes on in someone’s head when they have an episode of CPTSD)

Sunday Mask Madness: My Little Pony or My Little Fail?

I’ve been feel a little bit under the weather lately and I haven’t felt like myself.  Just worried about money and the future and how I’ll possibly never amount to anything good and I will be terrible forever. YAY!

” That is my brain talking not me but I choose to listen to it some days which has lead to me being greatly unmotivated when it comes to blogging, social media posts and even working out. “

So right now I am trying to be positive and write this post because I thoroughly did enjoy the mask from last week 🙂

So here it is since I was busy being moody (still feel moody) LOL




So obviously I picked the black glitter because BLACK IS THE COLOR OF MY SOUL (not really but I have been conditioned to believing so)

But seriously black glitter is cool!

Um who wouldn’t want to smear black glitter all over their face?

I was a bit weirded out by the consistency…. BE CAREFUL OR YOU WILL GET IT EVERYWHERE LIKE I DID.



The packaging is to die for. It is absolutely adorable. Although for the price I had paid for it, I wish it had been much bigger!

It retails for about 59$ USD or 79$ CAD.

Now onto the actual details of the mask. I opened it up and was super surprised at how good it smelt. Almost like some kind of berry scent it was nice and I wasn’t expecting that because the mask is glitter which makes me think it will smell like moldy plastic…

Like I had mentioned above the consistency is very messy so be careful when putting it on your face because the first time I managed to get it everywhere but my face. 😦


So I applied a generous layer with the little applicator that was given. I applied it all over and just being careful of my eyebrows (to what little eyebrows I have) Because I didn’t need to peel the mask off and have missing eyebrows hairs….

Now I am a very impatient person. Like so impatient I don’t want to wait for the 20 seconds on the microwave to heat my food because it will take too long but if I don’t let it heat it up it tastes awful cold kind of impatient. 

Pretty damn impatient.

But I managed to wait for the whole thing to dry which was about 30 minutes or so. If you don’t wait until it dries you are gonna have a bad time okay?


After waiting for it to dry. Now the best part! I love peel off masks! It is so therapeutic!

It is so relaxing to glob something on your face and then peel it off!

My skin felt pretty darn soft and smooth but as for the anti aging effects…?

A major letdown… Nothing had really changed. I wouldn’t classify this as an anti aging mask as the company says it is.

“It’s more of a fun time happy mask use before makeup or if you are bored mask.”

But overall I will probably use it again but I won’t be disappointed because I know I won’t be receiving any anti aging benefits from its glittery goodness.



  1. Super fun
  2. Smell is amazing
  3. Best part is peeling it off!



  1. Expensive. Get ready to shell out some big money for this.
  3. It is messy. without the applicator my bathroom counter would have looked way worse.
  4. Long ass time to dry.


Overall I am a tad disappointed with this mask, I would only repurchase again if I had gotten it for free or if the product was on sale.  I like my masks to have benefits and this is more of a INSTAGRAM FAD. It was still a lot of fun. It just didn’t really have benefits and that was a let down for me. So if you feel you have to buy this mask please do some research! Nothing against Glam Glow as I do love their other products.  But I did use another mask after this just to make myself feel better about spending 79$ on a trend. 🙂

It is pretty photogenic though 😉

Meh. 😛




My opinions are my own.

No I don’t care for most grammar.

Not sponsored.

Until next time. I have a couple more masks in mind….

Any that you have tried that you would like me to review?

Let me know below!!!!








The Crime you don’t give a sh*t about


*possible trigger warning*

You know why you don’t care about it?

It either didn’t happen to you or someone you know (which is rare btw) OR IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.

I’m talking about the crime that damages children for life.


Whether its mental, physical, sexual, emotional, spiritually abuse. etc

I apologize for the slightly misleading title but I’m glad I have your attention. I was at the gym today and I saw that 156 people had been arrested in relations to a online child sex ring. Now this was not covered at all by the station. It was simply the text scrolling at the bottom and it took a few times for me to be able to read it all. They had rescued 4 children and 1 of them was from Canada (where I am) My heart dropped. I know whats its like to be filmed or touched and have boundaries crossed. I try not to compare traumas to one another because they are unique and everyone goes through abuse differently. I do not try to lessen my own abuse and never lessend others. I get a lot of messages on my personal Instagram about other people explained to me that they had been abused but it wasn’t as bad as mine or someone they knew and I always try to stop them from talking this way and to never ever minimize what they have gone through.

At the gym I was trying not to cry. Those CHILDREN will need mental support for the rest of their lives. When you are young, you have no idea what is wrong or right that’s why an adult shows you. But a lot of them take advantage of us. They take advantage of our innocence, our kindness and our wonder and they twist it and spit it out back at us. That is how we think its not that bad or its not our fault. BULLSHIT. Child abuse is under reported and I believe probably 40 to 60 percent of the WORLDS POPULATION has been terribly abused in some terrible way. It’s okay we can just change the channel! There everything is fine now.

And as I am seeing this tiny line of information scroll across the screen I don’t see anyone else react and that makes me sad but I am not surprised.

We go unnoticed.

We get swept under the rug.

We are told to “suck it up”

“It wasn’t that bad”

“Maybe you deserved it”

“Well you were dressed provocatively.”

“Its because I love you”

“If you don’t do it, you don’t love me.”

“Don’t you love your mommy/daddy/etc”

“Its our secret”

Its time to act. I’m sick of waiting around for someone to make a law or catch a pedophile. We survivors need to act for future children. THEY NEED US AND WE NEED THEM.

I will never be silent about child abuse for as long as I live or until God takes away my voice. I will always try and raise awareness and tell people my story.
Tell me yours?


Wishing you strength.


Sunday Mask Madness: A weekly event

Hey there! I wanted to start a weekly post about skincare so I decided to do a Sunday posting with SUNDAY MASK MADNESS. I am going to try and review a mask every Sunday along with unbiased reviews of any trendy masks and remedies.

When it comes to skin care so many people can do skincare right and wrong! Like myself I have made a lot of skincare accidents growing up especially in my teenage years…. and unfortunately even now!! Masks are either over used or under rated. I was one of those people that thought “OF COURSE 20% GLYCOLIC ACID MASK EVERYDAY IS GOOD”  Um? its really not! For a few people it works, for others it’s a irritating mess! Now this doesn’t mean that I am against any glycolic acid products as I have a lot and I still use them all.

The most important thing here is education.  Too much glycolic acid can actually strip down your skin making it thin, after all it is an acid! I suggest using low percentage glycolic acids for every day use and save the big hitters for once a week NOT everyday!


I was having issues with using too much glycolic acid so I decided to back off a bit. I had done a lot of reading about turmeric being excellent for inflammation of the skin and had my eyes on First Aid Beauty’s Ginger and Turmeric Vitamin C  Jelly Mask. Now I’ve had my eyes on this mask for MONTHS. I heard really good things and some not so good things so after entering Sephora with my fiance who was leaving the next day…. (YAY FOR RETAIL THERAPY IT HEALS ALL WOUNDS)  I bit the beauty bullet and decided to splurge. It was 40$ CAD or 32$ USD.

(I actually took a break and browsed Sephora while writing this lol)

I actually tried it last Sunday when Eric had left to go home to Wisconsin. Now at this point I was actually a red disgusting mess after crying for a few hours with very little sleep. I wanted to do something to make myself feel better so I opened up the jelly mask and got started.

I cleansed first as I always do with any mask application. Since my skin had been wonky to my own doing AND it had been stressed out and red and puffy due to my crying 😛 I like to use two different cleansers throughout the week. I used Yes To Coconuts Cream Cleanser with my Clarisonic and it makes for a nice easy gentle cleanse.  The mask came next, and my firsts thoughts of inner dialogue about the mask went something along the lines of this: “WOW THIS SMELLS SO GOOD, AND LOOKS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! DID I JUST WASTE 40 DOLLARS ON THIS… WHY YES I DID?”

Well I put it on anyways and it was extremely refreshing and it helped that it smelled good. I hoped into the tub with a bubble bath and had the good mask on for 20 minutes. I rinsed it off with water after the time was up and noticed a few slight changes right away. My face was so less red! Okay so remember here I had been bawling for most of the day…..

My face was quite beet colored and now it was definitely a slight pink and looked way happier and less angry and blotchy. I was impressed that maybe my 40 dollars for this mask wasn’t such a waste after all? 

I went to sleep that night and noticed a few more differences when I woke up, I was less pink and I looked a little bit more alive and less zombie like. I did only get about 5 hours of sleep so I did still look pretty dang tired but I was impressed it was able to take away a lot of my blotchiness and redness overnight too. 





  • Pros
  1. Gentle AS HECK feels amazing on my skin!
  2. The smell is amazing
  3. Cooling power!!!
  4. Softness of Skin
  5. Redness was less and irritation was gone
  6. If I could use it every day I would.
  • Cons
  1. EXPENSIVE! ugh why do all the nice things costs so much money
  2. I WANT TO USE THIS EVERYDAY! (probably shouldn’t)


Have you tried this mask?

Have you tried something similar?



Bye for now





Disclaimer: I don’t know what the heck I am doing most of the time and I am NOT an expert so go see a Doctor or Dermatologist if you got issues! Thanks.



Time to tough it out again.  Time to suck it up! I did it before and I can definitely do it again and again and again until I couldn’t breathe anymore. I would do it over for him anytime. If you have been in a committed relationship you know its hard to say goodbye when your loved one goes away for a week. Imagine living about 500 miles away from that person whom you love so deeply and only get to spend time with probably 4 to 5 times out of the year and communicate the rest of the year by skype and messaging…. 

Most people wouldn’t or couldn’t do it.


Not us.

We are stronger then that.

Eric and I share a unbreakable bond. One I wouldn’t change for the world. He is my soulmate and I honestly thought I’d never find one. I was wrong, How glad I am to be so wrong. 🙂

Time to go back to work and be somewhat miserable….. and miss the late night cuddles and kisses on the forehead. No more hearing your heartbeat for a while. No more smelling your hair or touching your unshaven face just to feel the sensation on my hands and fingertips…

I don’t get to hear your laugh unfiltered with my own ears.

I don’t get to see your chest rise and fall when you breathe. (its kind of hard to see on skype lol)

After you left this morning I spend probably five minutes bawling on the stairs and then collected myself and reminded myself that we are strong and that if this was easy we would most certainly not be in love. ❤

You are my absolute favorite hello and my most dreaded goodbye.

I would do it all over again just to spend a minute with you.

I love you Eric Didier and I always will.

I cannot wait to be your wife and show you love each and everyday.

Our long distance relationship will make us unbreakable.

We can do anything.

All of my love to you Eric Michael Didier ❤

Your future wife,

unconditionally yours,

Karen Didier

(and no I don’t care about spelling or grammar I never learned how to use a comma and I don’t care)


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